Movie looks at football follies

Consider for a moment the large chunk of meat Marshall Cook decided to chew on, when he made his movie. It was certainly a very large portion of challenge he asked himself to consume.

First, notice the thread that weaves its way through "Division III: Football's Finest." It's comedy, the most risky of all entertainment. For while people are willing to appreciate shades of gray in drama, such flexibility does not exist when going for a laugh. People are very specific about what tickles them. Their parameters are set, intractable. It's either funny or not. End of discussion.

Next, it's a movie that Cook hopes gains himself some traction in Hollywood as a director. Hollywood is the most unpredictable, flighty and irascible of businesses, for just an ever-so-slight but stubborn pimple on the flawless face of an actress could put her out of work indefinitely until her skin clears.

And, finally, it's a comedy about a college football team. A funny football movie is an oxymoron because football builds and bills itself as one violent act after another. A football movie that gets a laugh is as rare as a Terrell Owens apology.

"So," said Cook, a 2000 graduate of Cardinal Newman, "I made a movie in the hardest genre possible, in the most fickle industry imaginable. My mom took me to an astrologer once to find out why I always seem to take the most difficult route to things. I dunno. I just like challenges."

Cook, 29, created the challenge, met the challenge and conquered his little Everest.

"Division III" is irreverent, slapstick, ribald, frenetic and outrageous. It's like Mister Toad's Wild Ride through small college football in which Mister Toad — in this case it's comedian Andy Dick — frequently falls out of his car. Cook has a real eye for physical comedy and that Dick is still able to walk is a tribute to the actor's athleticism.

"Everything somebody does in this movie," Cook said, "you can see someone doing it in real life."

For those who have been around sports long enough, it's all here: The proverbial melting pot of ego, incompetence and questionable intelligence. Yogi Berra's accidental humor is there, along with some knuckleheads who stumble to greatness and other knuckleheads who simply stumble. Cook makes no attempt at uncovering large universal truths, but rather makes every attempt not to waste a second or an opportunity for a grin.

"It's D3 football," says one character, "one step up from NERF (football)." Last Thursday night at the Roxy in Santa Rosa, Cook and Dick hosted a screening, completing a 20-city tour to spread the word about the movie in advance of it becoming available Friday on pay-per-view purchases from cable providers.

Most of the stops were on college campuses, like Boise State and Tulane. The movie will be on DVD Jan.17.

Writing most of the script Cook was unambiguous in using words that wouldn't be used in church. It's rated "R" for that reason. Football is not a tea party. The game is not polite and neither are its words, although to be fair Dick says and does some things that will make some people wince. If they were to be omitted, it wouldn't damage the pace or comedic impact. Even Dick admits that some of the things he does — like breaking clipboards over players' heads — would get him fired immediately. That said, Cook is sticking to his artistic freedom, knowing full well a bawdy taste is not something everyone enjoys.

"It's just about words," he said. "If you say them enough, it just dulls the blade and it is not as hurtful a weapon."

Relax, Cook is saying to those bent on being politically correct. And pay better attention, Cook also is saying, to the nimrods who casually use hurtful words without thinking.

"My heroes never use those words," Cook said. "Only the fools do."

Cook was a quarterback for all four years at Newman and then for two years at Occidental College in Los Angeles. Some of his football experiences provide the basic outline of the movie. The mentality of a driven athlete is there, the stubbornness, the obsessiveness, the impetuousness. Which also describe the coach as well.

Shot in 25 days a year ago at Palisades Charter School in Pacific Palisades, the movie does have a low-budget indie film feel to it. Cook wants the film to be "my business card" to Hollywood. See, guys, this is what I can do with limited resources. Imagine if I had more to work with – like being able to pay people the going rate of $100 a day to sit in the stands.

"We couldn't afford that," Cook said, "so we painted in the rest of the crowd (behind the live characters)."

On the other hand there were moments Cook wouldn't change no matter how big the budget.

One of them was Dick's total lack of interest and knowledge about football — even though he played a football coach.

"Andy would fall asleep when we would be discussing football," Cook said. "To this day he knows nothing about football. There's one scene in which he is looking at his clipboard telling his players which plays to run. In truth Andy was reading the script because it had so much football technical talk in it."

In truth Cook wanted to make a movie that made people laugh. All the dissecting of word usage, double-entendres, slapstick, goofy thoughts, etc., may simply be the moviegoer falling into a trap that is so hard to resist. Analyze this and analyze that until you get a headache.

Keep it all in perspective, Cook said.

"When it's all said and done," he said, "we're just making movies."

It's entertainment, that's all it is. Just entertainment. Which, of course, is why so many people go to the movies.

"Hey, it's not about my ego!" Andy Dick's character screams. "It's about that I did it!"

Marshall Cook just made us laugh. These days, that's a lot more important than it sounds.

For more North Bay sports go to padecky.blogs.pressdemocrat.com. You can reach Staff Columnist Bob Padecky at 521-5223 or bob.padecky@pressdemocrat.com.